Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Deep inside the heart

I know its been a longgg time, but i think nowadays people doesnt blogged anymore, maybe i exaggerate it but we could say less people blogged nonetheless... well i've decided to change the concept of my blog.. i mean the way it is post... So, basically i'll try to update as much post as i can but it will be just a short random post so that it could encourage me to write something at least.... moreover i doubt any person would read it tho... it is simply for myself.... to have a look at it again..

ok habis cakap orang putih... so harini aku ade kt rumah, baru je pulang dari tempat belajar semalam, harini x buat ape sangat, macam biasa la buat kerja2 rumah... tpi tetibe rase nak bace blog.. so ak on lappy and bukak ak nye blog yg dah agak lame x bukak... tpi dalam tgh pilih2 nak bace blog mane, terbace satu entry oleh seorang yg ak kenal.. blog die dah xde, tpi history post die masih ade... lalu aku bace... ape yg ak boleh ckp, blog die berkonsepkan diari... so rase serba salah plak nak bace.. tpi ak bace jgak... dari ape yg ak bace, penulisan dia banyak meluahkan perasaan yg ade dalam hati.. takde la macam kutuk2 orang, tpi macam pengalaman hidup dan perasaan dia tentang seseorang yg die betul2 sayang... tapi orang tu macam dull je ngan dia...

so, ak bace2, buatkan ak teringat perasaan ak sendiri, ak sedar yang ak pun lalui bende yg lebey kurang same jgk cam die... ak terpikir yang masalah ni mmg nmpk cam berlaku kt kite je... tpi siyes, bile kite bace ttg kisah orang lain... diorang nye masalah tak lari pun mcm masalah kite... cume kadang2, sesetengah orang pandai sembunyikan perasaan die... mungkin sampai kawan2 sendiri pun x tau... Masalah cinta la ak ckp senang... ak selalu je tgk couple duk gaduh sane sini... tpi ak kesian yg mcm one sided love... ak paham camne perasaan die apabile kite sayangkan seseorang tu, tpi ade sebab2 tertentu yg menyebabkan kite tak dapat nak bagitau die... perasaan hati dapat rase sakit, sedih, dan secebis harapan yg mana.. kita harap orang yg kite sayang tu perasan tentang isi hati kita.. tpi bende x semudah tu

so bagi kebanyakan orang, mmg orang selalu ckp, "make something happen"... but nak buat tu sebenarnye susah walaupun kite tau yg kite kene betul2 buat...ape yang ak boleh ckp... kite kene cari jugak sedikit kekuatan tu.. ak tau susah... tpi kalau kite dapat kekuatan tu... walaupun sedikit...  ak yakin yg banyak bende boleh berubah ke arah yg kite nak... Ok sampai sini je... bile bace balik, macam bukan aku yang tulis.. haha take care of urself... challoz

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

That's how life is....


Human is one of a strange creature...

they have brain, they got mind, they can think, but sometimes they contradict the law of reasoning...weird
they got someone who really care and love them, but they are after someone else for which uncertain...weird
they hurt the one who love them, and getting hurt by someone they love...weird
they reason well when it comes to normal problem, but they cant think much when it comes to heart...weird

lemme told u what makes human like that, we have mind, we can think, for who?....love
lemme told u someone where ur hands always open for, sometimes more than ur family had, for who?....love
lemme told u about the pain and sorrow u had, we have heart, we can feel, for who?....love
lemme told u about the things that going on, we have eyes, we can see, for who?....love

but it's irony when it turns right around and bites u.....gone
but it's irony when everything u stand for, turns on u to spite u.....gone
but it's irony to know what happen when u become the main source of the pain.....gone
but it's irony after what u had done, yet it cant be seen, like the air.....gone

look at the mirror, it just u standing there
look at the mirror, is it worth the pain
look at the mirror, u are done with growing up
look at the mirror, u are now growing old 

We are human, we are predictable yet beyond predictable...

first draft,
-Eyefirst-

wth is this...
-__- abaikan

Monday, November 7, 2011

What She Doesn’t Know Will Kill You

This was an article that appeared in the UMass college newspaper, The Daily Collegian, written by Matt Brochu, dated November 21, 2003. I originally posted the article because it fit a personal situation in my past. I should note that I didn’t write this.

You met her a few months ago, and somehow she managed to seep into your subconscious like that “Suga how you get so fly” song. Just like you have no clue who the hell sings it, you don’t know why she’s there. But she is, whether you like it or not. You know her cell phone, her room phone. You can dial her Aunt Doreen’s house in West Springfield (where she goes to do her laundry every two weeks) faster than you can peck-out 911. But she doesn’t know.

Her screenname, that generic one with her first name followed by three to five random numbers or UMass, has its own category at the top of your buddy list. Not only do you know what a “Buddy Alert” is, you’ve rigged your computer to play “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” from “Tommy Boy” every time her screen name changes from gray to black. Then her away message comes down, and you have a decision to make. To IM or not to IM? These are the ridiculous games that you play on a daily basis. But she doesn’t know.

She’s it. All right, so maybe not “it” it. Not necessarily Ms. Right, but closer to Ms. Right – up – there – with – Anna – Kournikova – and – Lizzie – McGuire – on – your – list – of – people – you’d – give – anything – to – be – stranded – with – on – a – broken – down – elevator. But it’s about more than that. When is it ever about more than that? Never. Not like frilly white dress, overpriced catering, embarrassing drunk in-laws more, but closer to UMass sweatpants, two D.P. Dough Roni Zonies, a futon and a movie you have no interest in seeing more. But she doesn’t know.

She’s gorgeous, but gorgeous is an understatement. More like you’re startled every time you see her because you notice something new in a “Where’s Waldo” sort of way. More like you can’t stop writing third grade run-on sentences because you can’t remotely begin to describe something … someone … so inherently amazing. But you’re a writer. You can describe anything. That’s what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. But nothing seems right. More like you’re afraid that if you stare at her for too long, you’ll prove your parents right: that yes, your face will stick that way. But you wouldn’t mind.

You wouldn’t mind that the questioning, “Hello?” on the other end makes you want to smile and throw up at the same time. You wouldn’t mind worrying about what to get her for her birthday and spending $300 when you only have $17.50 and a Triple-A card to your name. You wouldn’t mind that she left your TV on and the blaring infomercials wake you up at 4 a.m. … because it gives you a chance to watch her sleep. You don’t mind that you’ve slipped up twice when you were hammered and hinted at how you feel, but she was too drunk to remember. So she doesn’t know.

Sure, she’s pretty, but it’s about more than that. You two connect. Anything you throw at her, she can throw right back. You figured out what’s going on in that predictable head of hers in under five minutes, but something tells you her heart would take about five years.

You remember everything she’s ever said to you, and when that freaks her out you blame it on your photographic memory (which is a lie, you have a 2.7 GPA). You can’t remember your teaching assistant’s name, and you can’t remember that your Puffton rent check was due four days ago, yet you remember the middle name of the kid who tripped her in fifth grade and gave her that cute little scar on her shoulder. Maybe it’s because you actually listen when she talks. When do you actually listen? Never. But she doesn’t know.

But she has a boyfriend. The kid is a tool, and you are not. He has no redeeming qualities, and you have about 38, even when you’re hung over. You could kick his butt, and you’ve never been in a fight in your life. He treats her like crap, and you would treat her like the princess she believed herself to be on Halloween in 1988.

But she loves him. He wouldn’t know what he had even if she slapped him across the face and dumped him, but somehow she still loves him. And somehow she still doesn’t know.

Then, out of nowhere, she slaps him across the face and dumps him. She comes to you. You’ve been there before, so you seem like the smartest guy on earth. She cries, but your corny half-joke, half-compliment somehow gets a smile out of her that almost makes you feel ashamed that you’re the only one around who gets to witness it. It looks like you might make her realize that all guys don’t deserve to have rocks thrown at them.

But nothing changes. She doesn’t know. You get that library elevator feeling in your stomach that she’ll never know. You get that feeling that you’ll be forced to write a cheesy Collegian column about her that makes “Sleepless in Seattle” look like “Girls Gone Wild.”

You go to sleep. You wake up. She doesn’t know. You’re not in love. You’re not obsessed. You blame it on the fact that you just need to get some, but still, it’s about more than that. It would just be nice if once in your life, things worked out the way you wanted them to.

So ___________, it’s about time you know.

Now cut this out, fill in her name, and give it to her, coward. Just let me know how it works out.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Fighting Yourself !!

Hye readers, visitors, and friends... Its been awhile since I updated my blog... been buzy tho.. FYI I’ve been working for almost a month and a half as a part time administrative assistant.. Plus in this blessing month of Ramadhan, I couldn’t get my time to spend for to write a post except for my daily routinesJ XD.. However, I’m home and right now writing a post for my blog as I feel like I need to post something..mehehehe


OK today’s highlight... “fighting urself” is pretty much related to this month of Ramadhan... And I would like to recall about a question in which someone has asked me long time ago: “who is the strongest person?” well, as we know, strongest person isn’t measure by how tough they are, how muscular they are, or how big they are.... I ady have a mindset where every one of us can be the strongest when we can control ourselves from anger and also refrain ourselves from doing bad deeds.. When we discussed about controlling one’s self, it is inevitable to also mention a lil bit about our psychological well being, which is our behaviour and mental processes as they are the core for us to control ourselves. As we know, there are many factors in which contributed a lot in influencing us that resulting to our behaviours... It can be external, it can be internal... eg. Environment, our physiological state, and others but I would like to stress on this one factor which has things to do with the post I write today... it is the role of Satan or devil or whatever u call it that tempted us and played a part in manipulating our behaviour’s tendency.


So, what I really want to share with u guyz today? OK, let’s revise our key points, “fighting yourself” ”month of Ramadhan” ”Role of Satan”... So these are the interrelated ideas that played in my mind... So basically, we as Muslim know there is hadith that mentioned about satan on which being locked up for the whole month of Ramadhan. Therefore, one of huge factor that can manipulate our controls upon ourselves is now gone... This means we have more self-control to compare with before and it is time for us to truly know ourselves whether without Satan around, we still the same as before, or did we took the chance to improve every aspects that we could? Grab the chance to know urself better XDJXDXDss... So the question leaves for all of us to answer it intrapersonally... one more thing, I know my post was a bit late....ops not a bit.. but too late....hehe.. nevertheless it’s still ramadhan and if im not mistaken today is the last day for tarawikh prayer and the day after tomorrow will be the last day of fasting... so I hope we can make the fullest of it... Hereby, I would like to say Ramadhan Mubarak to all Muslims although I know its too late... And for the questions, leave it after ramadhan to evaluate urself, and lastly, fight yourself, overcome ur desire and lust... fight for improvement!

P/S: urgh, horrible usage of words... too buzy to care...sorry, couldn’t get my time that I actually need .... I should improve on this one XDJ have a good day and challoz..

Friday, July 22, 2011

you MAY lose faith in others, but never in yourself

Lately, I’ve been hearing about disappointment expressed by people around me. I know that they were upset with someone and I understand how it feels to be betrayed, bullied, deceived, and else that can break our heart. I'm sure u know that this feelings sometimes dragging along our psychological state especially to our emotions. We might question ourselves on how could this happen. “How can I trust that guy”, “How could he/she do this to me”, “I’m naive to give everything to her”. These are examples of different situations that happened commonly among us. There is a time when we put the blame on ourselves. When we feels down, I know that we think much and often bear the burden of problems. As a consequence, the situation might give a big impact on a person life such A he might not trust a girl ever again and the same applied to the girls.


Actually, we shouldn't put the blame on ourselves nor the fate. So, where should the blame lies on? Well, in my point of view, it's important for us to know that no one is perfect in this world. The problem was meant for us to learn from it. That's how we cope with life and change for the greater good. Let's think again, the wrong party might be him, her, them, and even yourself. No matter which side, excessive feels of guilty isn't good. I write this post as I was inspired from the quotation above which apparently a statement of optimus prime in Transformers 3 .... Its one of good quotes for tis year XD....... I’ve been thinking, u may lose faith in others because of the things he or she did, but u shouldn’t be depressed all the time. In another word, never lose faith in urself. It is important to have confidence as that’s what it takes for us to move on. I know that sometimes, the problem just a big hella one and u’ve been in a rough situation, but actually what u need is just a little courage. There is a saying that what past is history and u can never change it, the present is a gift and u should utilize it to the fullest and tomorrow is still a mystery.


Well, everyone has problem... and even me sometimes cant help myself for being depressed but u know, I just need this little courage to get over it. The problem is actually on how we perceived it in mind and what most of us do is keep thinking too much about it. Of course there was no big deal on thinking too much, but we were thinking on its negativity that actually kill us, self blaming.... *sigh* I know its easier to say to compare when you were in the real situation, it just feels different..... Right now, im also have been depressed quite for a time for a particular reason. Nevertheless it doesnt stop me for giving my commitment in my daily life...hmm what I try to do...is just to have a courage to face the problem gradually although I don’t have solution for it. If u run, it will hunt u back...but if u at least try to face it, u will be convinced that u CAN get through this...and TIME was also a such wonderful healer... and the rest was also up to you.... Friends + Time + Family + Good things + Good thought of self are the factors... if u cant get a way out completely, let these factors help you.. u don’t want to be trapped in there forever. We’ve been there and its dark...remember, actually everything is just like how ur mind perceived it to be.. so have a good thought about urself and believe me...it will help u to ameliorate ur pain and even ur psychological well being...


P/S: A friend of mine "Cuz AKA Angel" told me ::: people have a need to know that there are others that also have faced failure and triumphed over it ::: So, I don’t need to give u something to believe in, because its already in ur hand... just a sharing post, cheer up k J

Monday, June 13, 2011

History of Bloodline: PART 1

Bloodline was formerly established by borrok which has already survived from the early era of UW till 2008. After the stated year, the world of UW began to decline as it was having major problems with insufficient new player which has made the game less productive. The situation worsens as most of the veteran players started to be inactive. During this particular duration, I believed that the real Bloodline has vanished however with incentive from raiden, Bloodline was re-established. Despite all that, Bloodline still couldn’t be as the same as it used to be like the good old days. Former members were gathered but not all make it. Dragging back to the past, Bloodline can be considered as the earliest federation which set suiciding as primary objective. Through time, they managed to conquer the top list from 100 ranking for UW suicide category. Since then, suicide has become new trend of attacking other empires rather than just invasion. To specify, there were five types of attacking: Invasion, Recon, Raid, Skirmish, and Suicide. Invasion was used mostly by planet hugger because by invading, planets from the other empires were captured and became parts of our own empire. Next, recon as the word itself means, is one option of attacking which we sent ships or dummies to other empires in order for us to gain data about enemy’s fleet and system. It is very useful to scout enemy’s stack so that our victory in the battle can be guaranteed. For raid, it was just newly introduced as a new alternative of attacking as this option never existed during my time till the last few years ago as a result of game improvement update. Anyway, raid was not an aggressive attack as its purpose was only to steal money and resources from other empires without really much engaging in battle. On the other hand, skirmish was likely the least option chose by players. Skirmish was merely a battle between empires fleets without affecting any systems, planets, or resources. It suits best for players who want to prove themselves to others that they were more powerful. And lastly, suicide is a kind of attacking that the purpose was solely aim for a total annihilation of enemy’s units. It destroys enemy planets rather than invade it and SUICIDERS love it.


Back to the story line, there were also other suicide feds which compete together with Bloodline in pursuing the title of the most powerful suicide fed. There were several feds but this two were the most promising, Mk-v Assassins and Dies Irae in which had a significant impact in the world of UW. Those feds consists of many different suiciders (players all over the globe). I would like to apologize cause I don’t have enough details on Dies Irae as I’ve never been part of them nor be part of the Sui Alliance feds (during that time). As far as I know, one of its members was Nerubianassassins which I regard as one of fearsome suiciders and he is someone I knew as we were from the same countryman. Next, Mk-v Assassins Federation which leads by Omegall and two lieutenants, Spartain and Odin spear. The leadership may change between three of them. Similar as Bloodline, Mk-v Assassins was famous as suiciding fed. As I mentioned earlier, Bloodline, Mk-v Assassins, and Dies Irae had a significance impact in the world of UW, this is due to the surprising alliance treaty amongst them that happened several years ago. Can you imagine the top three suiciders feds combine as ONE force which make them as the most powerful suiciders alliance ever made in the world of UW. If we were to view the empire’s top 100 ranking of planets plundered (suiciding), I can say that it was flooded by them. As soon as the alliance was formed, the three fed’s flag were modified and all of them agreed to use a same new motion flag. And it was also stated in history that they have carried a mass suicide attacks which has caused a huge destruction on high pr empires especially to the planet’s hugger. It was an unforgettable event due to the facts most of the high pr players were put into damage protection, lots of planets destroyed, and the resources trade at the market became unstable. Almost all high Pr players were force to think twice if they want to break their own damage protection time. However, I wasn’t able to recall how long that particular “phenomenon” continues. But of course there were many other feds declared their WAR status to retaliate for what the Sui’s Alliance had done. As expected, battles occurred but psychologically, I personally think that suiciders had won. This is because they have more advantageous to compare with other empires. This is due to the facts that suiciders don’t really care about how many systems and planets they have as they are not huggers. Unlike planet huggers, they hold many systems and have a huge amount of planets which is also their sources of income. If they lose their main system in battle, many planets will be captured or destroyed.....


To Be Continued....
From the view of SolihinReturn aka Soli

P/S: I wrote this story from the existing memory i have. I may have mistaken some facts over the others and if u played UC before and think something about this post that needs to be changed, plz do leave ur feedback... However dont be too hard about the originality, just for fun meh. Lastly, as a token of respect, this post was meant for Bloodline federation in which will lives as memory forever...


BLOODLINE

"May God have mercy on you cause we wont"

Friday, June 10, 2011

Talking To The Moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

Chorus:

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad
But they don't know
what I know

Cause when the
sun goes down
someone's talking back
Yeah
They're talking back

Chorus:

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

Ahh Ahh,
Ahh Ahh,

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away